Paul Tagliabue announced his retirement as NFL Commissioner yesterday.
From Filling the NFL Throne on ESPN's Page 2, who's next:

Cobra Commander
Current Position: Shadowy, faceless skipper of bumbling international terrorist cabal.

Qualifications: Has managed to keep job despite worse track record than Mike Brown. Hey, survival counts for something.

Probable Platform: Replace player face masks with black bandannas; make reflective visors mandatory; combine DNA of Bill Walsh, Napoleon, Vince Lombardi and Alexander the Great to create the ultimate head coach; construct secret NFL Terrordome in Canton, Ohio.

Possible Drawbacks: Passing numbers plummet when Peyton Manning and fellow quarterbacks replaced by woefully inaccurate Viper clone troopers; trusted advisor Destro in it for his own best interests, not the league's; longtime ally Zartan mangled in grisly groundskeeping accident after changing skin color to match midfield grass at Giants Stadium; San Antonio expansion plan foiled by Duke and football mace-wielding William "Refrigerator" Perry.

Overall Rating: Two and a half stars. Legacy of failure, but only candidate who would put snow ninjas on the NFL payroll. Overall, a push.

---

I was going to write, "I don't care who you are, that's funny," but, actually, if you never watched GI Joe cartoons, it's not that funny. Alas.