I love my friends. They care about me so much, they even get worked up over the possibility that i might remain single the rest of my life. Others worry that i'm moping! I assure you, i am not moping. =)
On Friday, the topic of Biblical singleness came up, and my friend Clueless disagreed strongly that Paul actually says that, "It is good for a man not to marry." Here's the relevant Scripture. Just to show it's not all translation bias, i've also included the English Standard Version (ESV), my way of thumbing my nose at all of the retrogrades stuck in NASB-literal-translation-land.
(Emphasis mine, naturally. The Greeks didn't even have punctuation.)
| If anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if she is getting along in years and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does even better. 1 Cor 7:36-38 (NIV) | If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry--it is no sin. But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better. - 1 Cor 7:36-38 (ESV) | If a man has a woman friend to whom he is loyal but never intended to marry, having decided to serve God as a "single," and then changes his mind, deciding he should marry her, he should go ahead and marry. It's no sin; it's not even a "step down" from celibacy, as some say. On the other hand, if a man is comfortable in his decision for a single life in service to God and it's entirely his own conviction and not imposed on him by others, he ought to stick with it. Marriage is spiritually and morally right and not inferior to singleness in any way, although as I indicated earlier, because of the times we live in, I do have pastoral reasons for encouraging singleness. - 1 Cor 7:36-38 (Msg) |
Whoa whoa whoa, there! As you can see from the emphasized passage at the end of v.38, The Message has taken some significant liberties with the text which neither the New International Version nor the English Standard Version even tangentially reference. I can see why Clueless was so stridently in disagreement, having just read the text from the Message, but...
Don't get me wrong. I love the Message. I was reading the Message before many of you, dear readers, had even heard of it! But the danger with paraphrase versions of the Word is that we are subject entirely to the whims and personal biases of the translator. And they can sneak up and surprise us at the times we are least on guard.
Of course, dealing with literal translations comes with its own set of problems. Note the emphasis in the middle of the ESV passage: "keep her as his betrothed." Now, being engaged in Greco-Palestinian culture in the 1st Century meant something quite different than we understand it today... but... man. Seems kind of harsh. Paul isn't advocating releasing the fian¸ée from betrothal, but just keeping her as she is. Man, brutal. Guys and Dolls, indeed.
The gist of all of this is that there's a Biblical value for singleness which i haven't seen reflected in the culture and context that i'm currently living in. I guess there's a very empowered, materialistic, post-modern secular ethos of 21st Century living that says we are single and fulfilled all on our own, but let's face it... i reject most secular lifestyles right off the bat, so i'm unlikely to adopt that one.
I'm really concerned that there is no room for a correct, healthy, Biblical application of all of this in the context of church life. I mainly hear about celibacy while alluding to the unloved, the unlovely, and the people who are running and hiding from their own sin problems. I don't want to be any of those people. I just want to be exactly the person God has created me to be, with no compromises or concessions to what may seem right in the eyes of men. But if we can't love single people, and find the same incredible value we find ind marrieds, there's something extremely screwed-up in the way we're doing this community thing.
And if you can't see that, don't smugly sit on your marriage bandwagon and tell me to hop on, 'cause that's an incredible affront to the many, many people whom God will never give that gift to. I'm sad that society says we don't get to hang out anymore 'cause you're married, and i'm single. But if you can't laugh at society, then you're not really going to put up with my iconoclasm very much longer anyway.
All that said, what a blessing it is to have friends who care so much about me! They get upset and worked up because i don't do much in this area of my life. They call me out on issues like pride, needing healing, and finding humility. If i didn't have friends like this, i would, indeed, be a sad, mopey mess.
For those keeping tally at home:
I'm still single.
I'm still desiring to be married, God willing.
I have made my peace with the possibility of remaining single, and indeed, have been convicted of the sinfulness of striving and warring and associating my self-worth with either single or married status.
I realize that posts like this are absolute murder on my attractiveness to potential mates, but as usual, i put a higher value on truth than appearances.
I'm not gay. I realize i've referenced singleness, celibacy, and a '50s musical all in one post, but you can blame my friends, my acerbic personality, and my first girlfriend for each of those references.