Tired of disappointing my loyal audience. Some of you people are still reading this thing every day. It's not like i'm going to pull an xacto and stop writing.

So i've had a real case of procrastination/other priorities when it comes to writing thank you notes for people who supported me for the trip i took this summer. And, i think, a little bit of writer's block. And i haven't really been able to process those things, which leads to a paucity of tasty roadkill for your consumption. We're supposed to experience profound, life-altering things when we go overseas and come face-to-face with, not merely a cross-cultural experience, but with our own cultural experience.

I have some questions. Who am i? Where did i come from? What is the family history that guided me to where i am today? I want to talk about these things with my mom, with my dad, with my grandparents who are dead and gone. Why didn't i learn these things when i was younger? I think it's because i was a willful, stubborn child. That's sort of been the recurring theme of my re-entry and re-adjustment to American life. It's not struck me as hard as it has some other folks who went overseas this summer, but i'm still taking note of it.

For example-- two of the guys i grew up with got married this summer, right after i got back. I'm not really in touch with either of them, but because of family connections, i was invited to both weddings. And i was struck by how much their character, their decisions in life, their definition of success, has been shaped by their parents' hopes and ambitions for their respective lives. The more recent one is an MD, married to an MD. His brother, whom i've always admired (he went to Cal!), gave a witty and entertaining toast that really tied in their close relationship with their parents. It's only funny if you speak Mandarin and perfect English, so i'll spare you the transcription. Their cousins are all like that, too-- motivated, urbane, witty. So, his brother? An MD, too. Starting an Internet business. All that kind of stuff.

But for me... sometimes, i wonder. Did i squander all my parents' expectations? I mean, they were certainly clear enough. I know what i was supposed to do. I felt it even more keenly because it was quite apparent early on that my brother wasn't going to do any of those things. I just willfully imposed my desires on my life, as contrary to their expectations and hopes as possible.

So i'm not a doctor. I'm not a lawyer. I haven't founded a multi-billion dollar Internet start-up. I haven't produced brilliant, prodigal grandchildren for my parents. I may even have had the talent to do these things.

I don't really have regrets about any of this. Just... musings, you know? What am i doing? Do i have a plan?

And then... am i doing the same thing with God? Do i treat my spiritual Father with the same contempt and indifference that, in my foolhardy teenage years, characterized my relationship with my own parents? Am i so set in having things my way that i'm squeezing out the quiet, strong, transformative leadings of the Lord?

Some unrelated tidbits from these packed 6 weeks:

I wrote a rant on local game stores, and how desperately they need and deserve your support. When i first posted it, i received some pretty defensive, cutting criticism. Recently, one of the guys i play with referenced it in an email thread, and i went back and read it. It holds up surprisingly well. I guess even when i'm in the throes of angry, opinionated writing, i can grind out a coherent thought or two.

Wikis are amazing. They should be used for everything.

Prayer group at work is great. We laugh and laugh and laugh. They want to find me a girlfriend at BSF. I don't know if that's a threat or a promise.

I got to see my favorite child in all of Asia, so that was pretty awesome. She's still awesome.

Short term missions trips change people. They come back tapped into the most significant reality of all: the reality of God's sovereign presence in our lives.

All-church retreat was what it should be every year. We need to bring back more of this cross-church action; seeing IceGeist is more blessing than one man can handle in a weekend. Watching Linus Power-StiffArm an EzoGhoul (even when you are controlling said EzoGhoul) is an exercise in sheer delight.

I need to name-drop more on this thing, so people will blog back in kind.

Tuesday night Bible Study is back!